Shepard's Problem
by Periluv
Summary: Commander Shepard is haveing trouble getting over the idea that she was brought back from the dead and that Kaidan Alenko won't take her back. Basically, its Joker being there for her when no one else will, and her drinking,rated m to be safe for drinking


It was a common thing, Shepard and a few of the crew going out for a quick drink. Most thought nothing of it. If fact, most of the crew of the SR2 _Normandy_ thought of it as an honor to accompany Commander Shepard out onto the Presidium for a night at Dark Star.

The commanding officer on the _Normandy _had had a high tolerance for alcohol even before Cerberus had recruited her, but now she seemed immune entirely. For Shepard to get drunk, she either had to be drinking enough to put down a krogan or drinking something that would curldle the typical human liver.

And that was exactly what she planned to do, and Joker knew it. Joker knew she why she hadn't asked any of the other crew members to accompany her, and it was because she didn't plan on just 'drinking'.

As silly as it seemed, he felt like he had to do something about it.

_Are you nuts?_ he thought, removing his hat to scratch his head. _Why would Shepard listen to you?_ Yet the feeling of responsibility for this woman had increased ever since she had been returned to life by Cerberus, a human organization bent on raising humans into a higher position in the galaxy. They had brought Shepard back to life after she had died in an attack on the SR1 _Normandy_ so that she could do exactly that.

Joker knew that he felt guilty because her death was his fault. She had stayed behind to save him, and he had refused to leave his ship. She had finally picked him up and hauled him to an escape pod and forced him in, but in the process, an explosion had thrown her away from the ship and out into open space. Joker had watched, helpless, as his commanding officer and best friend leaked oxygen into space and died a terrible death from lack of oxygen and exposure to sub-zero temperatures.

Two years had passed and the galaxy had undergone many changes. Shepard was considered Missing in Action, and the surviving crew of the _Normandy_ had moved on. Then Cerberus had recruited Joker and the SR1's old Medical Engineer Dr. Chakwas. The two of them had been shown holo's of a person who resembled Shepard down to the last hair on her head, but who was she really? Then they found out: it was Shepard. They had found the corpse and completly reassembled the body until it was as if Shepard had just been sleeping for two years. They had brought Shepard back, exactly the same, and Joker and Chakwas were only too eager to serve under a familiar face.

Yet now, Joker was wondering about the psycological impact it was having on Shepard. Being dead for two years, knowing all your friends had moved on and changed, and you hadn't...what would that do to a person? And then she had met Alenko back on Horizon...

No, that was none of his buisness. He wasn't even technically supposed to be listening in on that conversation...

Commander Shepard stood leaning against the glowing counter of the bar Dark Star, her eyes closed and her hands clenched into tight fists. Someone above her cleared their throat, and she looked up, her dark brown eyes narrowing in anger.

"What'll it be?" asked the turian bartender, looking down at her with his beady black eyes. He had a vial of some liquor in his hands and no doubt knew who she was by reputation.

"I want the strongest thing you've got." she replied, looking back down at her fists.

"Easy enough," replied the turian, walking off to find the liquor. She took a deep breath, and tried to slip into the pounding music and flashing lights, but to no avail...it all just came flooding back...her reunion with Kaidan...Horizon...

_I thought you were dead Shepard...we all did._

She had loved him. Oh how she had loved that man...and he just left. He didn't understand...she would make him...she had to...

The bartender returned with her drink, a glass with a thick green liquid in it.

"This is...its green!" she said, a grimace twisting her face. Alcohol was alcohol, but that just looked disgusting. The bartender gave her a grim smile and capped the bottle it had come from, placing it back on a glass shelf.

"And guaranteed to knock you senseless, unless you have DNA like me. Then, it'll kill you. Shepard shrugged, her N7 armor creaking in protest, and raised the shot glass to her eager lips.

"Bottoms up!" she said downing the glass in one huge gulp. She slammed it on the bar and ran a gloved hand across her mouth.

"Lets have another one."

Joker knew he didn't have much time until Shepard was out cold and very, very vulnerable. He shoved his way as best he could through the crowded Presidium and headed towards the Zakera Ward. He shuffled his crippled legs over to a Rapid Transit console and started pressing buttons. It couldn't be that hard to find an officer in a nightclub...could it? And oh god, was he in for it when Shepard found out he had left the ship without permission.

"Not done yet," said Shepard, a slightly lopsided smile crossing her face. She winked at the bartender and motion for her fourth glass. The turian looked stunned.

"I'm impressed," he replied giving her a nod. "I've never seen anyone drink three of these."

_I thought we had something Shepard...something real. _

Shepard was tired of thinking, and she was definatly tired of anything real. This was so much easier, slipping into the embrace of darkness, the cool sensations of the alcohol tickling her systems. And with her reconstructed liver, she could drink twice as much.

"Hit me again." she said slamming a fist down onto the table. The bartender gave a short laugh, and then paused as he reached for the vial.

"How about we mix it up a little bit?" he said sliding open a locked glass case with diffrent drinks on display. Pulling out a vibrant looking bottle, he slid a glass over to Shepard.

"This is genuine Batarian ale, uncut. Don't ask how I got it." he paused giving Shepard an expectant look. As she raised the glass to her parted lips, he continued. "I've been serving here eight years and I've never seen anybody drink this and stay on their feet." Shepard's glass halted for a moment, then she gave a twisted smile and downed it all.

"Impressive!" said the turian, his eyes widening in surprise. Shepard gave a tiny giggle and slumped forward onto her elbow, eyes alight with the alcohol's effects. She had a tickling sensation at the base of her skull, and her stomach was flip-flopping all over the place. Yet still the memories haunted her.

_I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you do that to me?_

"Do it." she snarled. her happy mood quickly evaporating. She pushed back from the bar with a violent force strong enough to make the bottles rattle. Sensing her desires, the turian pulled out an oddly shaped and very bulky bottle.

"Okay, for you? Something special." he said as he unscrewed the top and grabbed her glass. "This is pure krogan liquor. You'll set off radiological alarms after you drink this. Should I pour it?" he asked, almost eager to see if she could handle it.

"Hell yeah," she said slouching back onto her chair. With a grin she motioned for the glass. "Put more stuff in the...thing stuff goes in." The bartender shook his head and slid the glass across the counter. Fumbling to catch it, Shepard gave a delighted giggle.

"Oh no, Shepard DON'T!" came a voice from across the room. but she was beyond caring at this point, and raised the welcomed beverage to her mouth.

_You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance...you betrayed me. _

With a shaking hand, Shepard dumped the contents of the glass into her mouth, and gasped. The contents burned her throat like fire. The alcohol's effects kicked in immediatly, and she felt a strage giddyness. Her thoughts started burring together, and she welcomed the drunken haze that settled over her body. Her vision starte to run together, and the pounding music began to fade into a dull roar in the back of her head.

She pushed away from the bar, her eyes watering and a drunken smile tearing across her face. She collapsed into the ecstasy of the alcohol, and let the blackness creep across the edges of her vision. Kaidan's vioce slowly seemed to mute, but another's took its place. Firm hands grabbed her wrists and a bearded face blocked her view of the club. _Joker's off the ship? _

"Shepard!" he was saying, gently smacking her face. Then her knees wobbled and Joker's grip slackened and the blackness completely dominated her vision. She was falling, falling into the void. A dull ache at the base of her skull told her she had hit the floor, but in her mind, she was still falling through the nothingness. Then a darkness blanketed her thoughts like a shroud.

_Goodbye Shepard. And be careful. _

_... I loved you..._


End file.
